I don’t think I’ll ever forgot the morning that dear Kenzie passed away. Mom woke up me up once she found out in the early morning and just said “Kenzies in the hospital, it’s not looking good. That’s all the info I have, but just pray for her”. That is also when I looked at my phone and saw that Trevor had messaged the family and asked us to pray for Kenzie. So I did, with all my heart. Not knowing everything that happened, but just praying that everything would work out. I remember being so scared and nervous, I thought of so many things that could go wrong and was hoping for a miracle. I stayed awake, hoping for more information soon. And about 45 minutes later I heard mom talking in her room. I went in, and she had just finished a conversation with Trevor. Mom just looked at me stunned, and said “Kenzie didn’t make it”. The shock I felt was unreal, I was just stunned. Mom and I hugged for a while and didn’t say anything. I think we weren’t sure what to do and were just trying to processes that Kenzie was no longer with us. Mom somehow managed to get ready and go to work for the day (how she had that much strength, I’ll never know). I felt so lost and helpless. Because the only thing I wanted to do was go straight up to Eagle and give Kayla and Trevor a hug. I didn’t think there was anything else I could have said or done that would have expressed how I felt. I was numb that whole morning. I waited for Justin and Garrett to wake up so i could talk to them to see if there was anything that we could do for Trevor and Kayla. My heart just broke for them both, all morning all I could do was think about my amazing brother and sister in law, and how there was nothing I could do to help them. An honest blessing for me, was when Trevor and Kayla FaceTimed me from the hospital to let me see sweet Kenzie one more time and to say goodbye. I felt so honored that they would even think of me in that moment. But I was so incredibly grateful that I got to have a moment with Kenzie, Trevor, and Kayla. Once they hung up, that was when it fully hit me. I just cried and cried and thought about all of the moments I had with Kenzie. I looked at photos, and just thought about sweet Kenzie. Without any kids of my own, I feel like I have a different bond with my nieces and nephews. And I felt so lucky that I had an extra week with her where that bond strengthened even more. I thought about all my memories of my last week with her. And my last moment with Kenzie hit me so strongly. Because my last moment with Kenzie was saying goodbye to Trevor and Kayla and the family as they were getting ready to leave. It was all hectic, and I was trying to convince Kate, Ashley, and Kenzie to give me a hug before they left. Kate and Ashley were being little punks and didn’t want to give me a hug. But Kenzie came straight over to me and gave me the biggest tight squeeze. I remember it so well, because it was the best hug Kenzie had ever given me. And I distinctly remember thinking “well Kate and Ashley didn’t give me a hug, but Kenzie gave me the best hug ever”.  It’s almost like she knew that it would be our last hug, and she made it the best one.

I was honored that Trevor and Kayla asked me to help dress Kenzie. Just a few weeks before I dressed Kenzie for her final burial, I had the opportunity to dress Grandma Tanny for her final resting. It was such a beautiful and spiritual experience, and to have that last moment with grandma meant a lot to me. I was grateful that I would be able to have a moment with Kenzie and that I would be able to share it with mom, Kim and Ali. Kayla’s uncle at the mortuary made the dressing experience so nice for all of us (Kenzie included). He lead us into the room where Kenzie was at, and let us have a moment to process and be with her. He then helped us get everything ready to dress her. Kenzie and her dress looked so beautiful (and somehow older and taller!). It was all such a sad, yet beautiful and spiritual experience. I then did one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. FaceTime Trevor and Kayla so they could see their beautiful girl, who they hadn’t seen in over a week. Before I called, Ali, Kim, and I all took some deep breaths so we could look stronger for Trevor and Kayla. However soon as we saw Kayla and Trevor’s reaction, and Kayla saying “oh my beautiful girl, she should be here with us”. I broke immediately, because I wholeheartedly agreed with Kayla. She should have (and still should be) here with us. After the call, we all had one more moment with Kenzie. None of us said anything to each other, but we all gave Kenzie a big hug and just talked to her for a bit. On our way home, we listened to her favorite Disney songs. I am grateful that I got to have that moment with Kenzie.